🎓 Flourish University ranked #1 in "Institutions Founded at 2am on a Tuesday" •
🏆 Streaking Team UNDEFEATED — 7th consecutive year •
📚 "Advanced Napping 401" waitlist: 200 deep •
🍕 Dining hall serving Frank's Famous Casserole — AGAIN •
🎵 Earmuffs optional for Prof. Beanie's lectures •
Home of the Flourish Streakers · Walk-Ons Always Welcome
Flourish Athletics
Our athletes compete with the passion of people who have absolutely nothing financial at stake and everything personal to prove.
🏟️ Home of the Flourish STREAKERS
Zero scholarships. Zero uniforms. Infinite dedication. Mostly.
Our Programs
🏆
Track & Field (Streaking Division)
Record: 12-0 · Undefeated 7 Years
Our flagship program. No tryouts. No uniforms required. Coach Frank leads from the front. Always.
Beer Pong (Varsity)
Record: 22-4 · Regional Semifinalists
The most academically rigorous sport on campus. Students demonstrate geometry, fluid dynamics, and composure under pressure.
Intramural Wrestling
Record: 8-8 · Competitive
Founded after a "spirited disagreement" during LS 310. Governed by the Geneva Conventions and an agreement not to wreck Mitch's living room again.